Coping
by Sakura Nigumi
Summary: Miroku thinks of his life and what he wants his future to be like. Part the second of my One-shotter series!


**Disclaimer**

I do not own any of the Inu-Yasha characters.

Welcome! This is part the second of my one-shotter series. This is for Miroku. He's my all time favorite character in this anime/manga series.

If you tuned in to Learning to Deal, then I will continue the story behind this series.

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Coping

As I sit here, hunched to a tree, trying to sleep, I think. About Defeating Naraku, about my friends, about women… 

That's usually when I fall asleep, and now, it's no different. My mind fades to nothingness as once again, sleep takes my tired, yet young soul. To rest my weary head and wish and dream of my hearts desires.

Dreams. What are they? Are they one's hopes and dreams? Or are they some sick joke created solely to taunt one with objects the dreamer can't ever have? Either way, I know what all my dreams are filled with. Even if I forget them in the morning. I still know what they are about solely.

They are filled with life, happiness, and most of all, they are filled with me living a long life. Free of this damned cursed hand. Free to live until I am old and senile. My dreams are filled with me living the life I want. With the one I want.

Question is… will she take me? Will she accept me for who I really am, and not think of me as the lecherous monk I pose to be? True, I devoted myself to The Buddha, but I am not the lecher that everyone thinks of me as being.

"How is that possible?" you ask? Simple. I can't help myself sometimes. I am selfish. I only think of getting an heir so if… I fail… they will hopefully take it upon themselves to end this curse and end the future suffering that is caused by that demon Naraku. 

Naraku. Just thinking the name makes me want to rip him apart. He is the one that did this to my family. He is the one that is making me one step closer to death every day. He is the one that hurt Sango. That hurt my friends.

Naraku needs to die and he needs to die as soon as possible. Even if my heir is the one that has to do it.

But, then again. That is very selfish of me. I shouldn't inflict this type of pain on my children. Or my wife. To have to deal with that alone, it's worse than having no father to be there to help.

I know this all too well. My father died when I was young. The only one who was with me was Mushin, and he was drunk the majority of the time. True, he did do a lot for me. And I am grateful for him, but a child shouldn't have to deal with that.

And my future wife. I can only imagine the pain she might go through to have to deal with raising our child, alone, and with it having my bloody curse.

That's why I won't take a wife until after the curse is lifted. Hopefully I will keep that self proclaimed oath. That is… if I can keep my hands off of Sango…

Sango. Now there is someone any man that's not blind and stupid would want to go home to every night. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen! Kami, she is the only woman I can think of that can make me go insane every time I hear her voice. Every time I see her face. Even every time she slaps me for being lecherous.

She is one of the smartest and strongest women I know. The other being Lady Kagome. She has a very strong soul, and she is beautiful in every single way.

She may not think it, but when ever we walk into a new village, all the men stop to stare at her. If one would take the time to look at the men who see her, they would see the drool that's practically dribbling all over their short kimono!

I think that is why I go after every pretty kimono I see. I think it's because of jealousy. Sure, I did it before, but that was before I met her. Now, I do it as a way to release stress. But it never works. 

I knew from the day I first saw her, that she is the one for me. She is the one I want to bear my child. She is the one I want to grow old with. Only her. Only her.

But how do I know she feels the same way? When ever I show my affections to her, she freezes up, then slaps me. Am I so disgusting in her eyes that the thought of me being around her makes her want to vomit? Do I make her want to shrivel up and disappear from my sight? 

But, whenever I glance back at her after I start my flirtations with others, that I see her practically in tears? Do I make her so upset that when I make moves on other women, that she wants to cry? Does she get jealous of the attention I'm giving out to the other women?

Kami! She's so damn confusing!

At first, she acts as if I repulse her, then, whenever I ask another woman to bare my child, she looks as if I broke her heart. 

True, I never asked her to bare my child… but that's only because I don't want her to say yes yet. I don't want to have her say yes before I know if I would be able to be with her or not.

There are times, though, when I want to ask her. And then have her in my arms. To kiss her. To hold her because I know she loves me, the way I love her. There are times when I can't help but touch her. To get a feel of her feminine, yet muscular body in my hands.

Sometimes I wonder if she would ever open up to anyone. To tell us what she's thinking, what she's feeling. She seems to have a tendency to shell herself off just so she won't get too attached to any of us. As if she doesn't want to get too close to someone like how she got with her village and her family.

I remember the look in her eyes when she saw that everyone she knew was gone. Killed by demons under the power of the Shikon shards. Shards of the jewel that her village's miko created during a battle with demons.

It's ironic how the Shikon no Tama brought us all together. Kagome came to us from her weird world as a reborn version of the jewel's protector, Inu-Yasha, who was the one in love with that person, Shippo, whose parents were killed by those using the power of the jewel's shards, Sango, and her village of demon hunters. And then there's me. I entered their lives because I thought that if I have those shards that I would be able to defeat Naraku.

I slowly start to waken slightly. Morning is coming. I spent yet another night thinking about my life. And about Sango…

I sense movement from the edge of the clearing and I pretend to be asleep still. A figure materializes into my range of sight and the figure turns out to be Sango. 

Where did she go last night?

I see her coming closer to me and I try even harder to stay still. She kneels down next to me and leans in. My heart races as her lips lightly touch mine in a soft kiss.

Now, I try even harder to pretend to be asleep. I want to pinch myself to see if that wasn't a figment of my drowsy imagination.

She actually kissed me! Gods, she actually was so bold as to do that, and in my sleep no less! She must be trying to taunt me. That must be it. To make me think she doesn't love me, when in fact, she really is!

If this is true, and I am not getting my hopes up too high, I must keep this secret. Or else I will end up dead before I could get a chance to kill Naraku. And not by my cursed hand, but by her!

Oh, Fate is a cruel mistress indeed.

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So, what did you all think? Seriously, I would like to know.

Now, I have a question. Should the next one-shotter of this series be Inu-Yasha or Kagome? Please include your opinion in a review, and stay tuned for the rest of my One-Shotter series soon to come! Ja ne!


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